9/20/08 old post

Sorry, I write on my Myspace page and forget about all of you! I think I need to explain a few things!

As most of you know my entire world was shattered back in April when my now ex-husband quit his job at News 9, left me in like 15 minutes and went back to Scottsdale because he couldn't handle me not getting better after my back surgery. The hardest part is he still wants to be my best friend and always emails me.

For months I was destroyed and heart broken. I married for life, so this was horrible for me. But over that time alot happened inside of me. I swear I grew up like 10 years in 6 months. I made a decision to finally quit smoking April 9 and have stuck to it. I made a decision to get all the weight off me that has accumulated esp over the 2 years in bed. With help from my Dr and dietician I am on the best diet ever. It makes grocery shopping easier, because its pretty much all fresh produce and meat. I have stuck to that too, although at the beginiing I didnt stick to it like I should have. I hadnt lost any weight and was frustrated and then all of a sudden I dropped almost 14 pounds in a week and 3 days, and now have dropped17.3 pounds in 2 weeks! Once I hit 20 pounds down I can start the process of having my surgery which will really change my life for the positive!! I am sooo excited!!

Once my back finally started doing alot better, I took the time to find a job I would love. I was very fortunate to find a job just like the one I loved in Scottsdale with Maxcare, owned by the Pharmacists Assoc. I LOVE IT, and love the people I work with!

It made me focus on all aspects of my life… where I am at, where I am going, and where I want to go. It made me realize that I am not getting any younger… I thought about what it is I want in life and this is what I came up with…

Heres part of my blof from MS:

I loved being married. I loved laughing every night before bed and every morning when we woke up. It was such an amazing feeling to have your best friend there all the time. Cuddling together is one of the most awesome moments! Of course, divorce was NEVER an option for me. It has taken me a while to come to terms with the fact that I had no choice in the matter. But I have to look at it like, well it just wasn't meant to be and I have to accept that, no matter how much I don't like it! I have picked myself up and moved on and am in a really good place now. Talking to a friend tonight really made me realize what it is I want…

I want to get married again, hopefully sometime in the near future. I want all those butterflies to come back everytime I see someone. As Carrie Bradshaw said in Sex and the City… "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting,
challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." Everyone deserves to have that person that loves you for just being you… And noone should settle for any less – never ever.

At this point in my life I feel like I don't even want to waste my time trying to find dates… I don't have the luxury of that anymore. I want to find someone that is really ready to commit to settling down and raising kiddos. I want the whole family thing! I want to have that nice Catholic family down the street that everyone bbq's with. I want what I had growing up and I only hope that it will happen for me eventually! I want someone that cant wait to see me everyday.

I have been really focusing on making myself a better me this year. I quit smoking back in April (kuddos to Matthew for giving me idea to do it)! I am such a healthy eater now – have lost about 14 pounds in a week and a half now! I resist temptation to cheat on my diet – which is something I never thought I could do! I really focused my job search on what I really wanted to do with my life and it paid off! And now its just a matter of weeks before I will be able to have my surgery, which I am soo excited about!! So after I have reached all my goals, I truly feel like I will be soo ready to be in a relationship again. I miss that feeling so much! I just hope one day I will mean alot to someone, someone who appreciates me for all my quirks and hyperness.

I am soo excited I get to go out for a bachelorette party this weekend – it should be a blast! I cant wait to get to hang out with the girls!!

Oh yeah – my job is soo awesome! So glad for all my Caremark training – its come into good use! It keeps my mind working all day long!"

So hope that helps some peeps understand why I say the divorce may have been the best thing to ever happen to me!! If it had been up tp me I would still be married!